Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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