remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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