im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
