I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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