Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize