hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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