I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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