I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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