if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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