There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
