I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
