Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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