he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
