I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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