Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
