If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
