Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
