if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
