dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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