At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize