I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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