I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
