I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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