This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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