she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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