I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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