even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
