Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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