I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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