he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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