I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize