oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
