Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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