I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
