Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
