Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
