I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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