You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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