Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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