It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize