My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There r osticjed everywhere
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
