she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
