The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize