sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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