At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize