you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
nutella sex= disaster
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
