I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
