He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sarcasm needs its own font
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize