Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
