I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
