I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
