When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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