Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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