If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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