Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
