Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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