The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
