Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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