Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
