You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize