good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize