okay pat passed out under dana's car
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The Olympian is in my bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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