MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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