Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
