Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
