I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
