she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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