I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
