I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
