my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
